Modern Psychology today attributes suicides, relationship problems and personal failures to an individual’s environment and support system. The quality of support that an individual has access to determines the better part of his/her achievements and attitude.
Positivity brings good experiences and hope in your life, whereas negativity only diminishes both; the chances of happiness and hope.
Your company determines your attitude
Good company is often the right kind of influence that propels you forward not just personally but professionally in the right direction. If you are constantly feeling dull, & demotivated and even when you’re surrounding yourself with people; Its time to ask yourself if you are in the right company or not.
When you constantly feel that your life is spiraling downwards and no matter what you do, you just cannot walk out of it. When you are constantly feeling defeated and nothing challenges you. This is the time when you need to refocus in life and also seek better companionship. Identify the effects of negativity in your every day life and try to eliminate them or distance yourself from them.
Why do we not realize in time the effects of a toxic relationship in time?
There are numerous reasons for this:
- As humans we hate the unfamiliar and unchartered territory. A familiar torture is preferable to an unknown promise of peace. Going out of our comfort zone is difficult.
- We seek comfort in what we have and do not wish to try for more.
- We tell ourselves we deserve what we have. We constantly tell ourselves that we reap what we sow. We do not question others but just ourselves. We keep second-guessing ourselves and do not aim high enough.
- Our insecurity blinds us and we cannot get past our flaws.
- We play the victim card and keep lamenting about the failures in our lives. We attract drama, we enjoy it and we play the role continuously on repeat.
We keep the above hurdles in our way consciously so as to not look past the flaws in our relationship. However, that is our single biggest mistake.
I believe for a relationship or any other goal, to be successful you need to first see your shortcomings. You improve your weaknesses and make them your strengths. Informed and improved weaknesses become the biggest source of strength for a determined individual in the long run.
I firmly believe you can last any relationship as long as you want to. It depends on how much patience and tolerance one can demonstrate. A big reason for the high failure in relationships in today’s society is because one has the ability to walk out. Families have come out to be more supportive and individuals feel that they can live independently without the dependence on someone else.
If even upon realizing and trying to “amend” the problems in your toxic relationship, you are not able to salvage little respect for each other then it’s about time you walk out of it. Staying in a negative space will not just further damage you personally but also anyone else associated in that relationship. For instance, for the children who are subjected to regular uncomfortable exchanges between the parents.
Tell tale signs of a Toxic relationship and how can you improve them
So what are the signs of a toxic relationship that one should look out for? How to save a Relationship? Here are some ideas for you to work on:
- Lack of communication. You no longer have anything interesting to share with each other when you spend time alone. Your lack of topics to talk about and personally share opinions on shows that you are drifting apart.
Human beings have a strong urge to share. We are social animals and if you’re in a relationship with someone who you can no longer share your experiences with. It can become a very depressing and suffocating relationship, one that does not let positivity thrive.
Ideas: Eliminate distractions when you are hanging out together such as the use of phones and TV. Limit work and other activities during the time you are spending together.
- Diminishing Respect for Each other’s interests. When you no longer care about the other’s feelings or likings, it is a sign that you no longer feel the need to show interest or feel involved in each other’s lives.
Ideas: Do things together that may create common interests such as perhaps watching Sitcom/ movies together, having a games night etc. Feign interest in the partner’s activities to find out more about what they are up to. This can eventually help you to build actual interest in these activities.
- Lack of respect for each other’s opinions. When you both cannot see eye to eye, argue non-stop without giving the other a chance to explain their point of view and show less tolerance to each other’s perspective. That’s a sure sign that you are both a part of a toxic relationship. One that’s killing the other person’s capacity to think, grow and just live.
Ideas: Even when you are losing patience, constantly remind yourself that the other person also needs their time. When you start respecting the other person’s point of view, chances are they will notice and reciprocate.
You could also bring it up as a suggestion that you both should voice your opinions when taking a decision. To avoid conflict, use a simple strategy such as using a stopwatch – each person speaks for 2 minutes without interruptions. Each person gets to hear what the other has to say and then respond back in turn.
- Lack of respect for each other’s families. Relationships flourish when each partner does something extra for the other partner’s family. That’s just one of the many intimate ways of showing your partner that you care. Friends may not always be cherished but families cannot be avoided. When you both or one of you stops respecting the partner’s family it is a sign that your relationship needs to be revived.
Ideas: Find out what is bugging your partner about you or your family. Chances are your family is being over protective or clingy – not everyone is cut out for spending vacations with extended family. Try to mitigate these issues on your own with your family and then with your partner.
- Physical Intimacy. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but physical intimacy does not ONLY mean sexual intercourse. It also means cuddling, resting your head against each other, or simply holding each other’s hands. The ease with which you can be around each other in a very platonic way sometimes. If that’s not there anymore (and I repeat I don’t mean sex) then you need to revive the spark. With time sex may not be frequent or you may not find the time for it. But just being comfortable with each other’s physical presence is very important.
Ideas: Skimpy nightwear will not do the trick. To revive comfortable physical intimacy, you need to get into that quilt and watch some movies in the room with some popcorn together. Taking care of each other when one of your is sick. Simple things like a 10 head massage every Saturday night with some hair oil.
However, when simple remedies fail, when you fail to reconnect with your partner, then its times to move on. The earlier you find the signs and try to improve your relationship the better. It helps not just you, your children (if any) and your families to re-adjust. It helps you to find yourself again and build a new & better life for yourself. Because you need to feel gratitude for each day of your life that you are alive and that’s only possible when you live it positively.
Hey, thank you for reading my blog. Im Maheen Noor Soomro, a Career Coach, Entrepreneur and Personal Development Guru. I help Women and Youth Development initiatives through various coaching, counseling and mentoring programs. I run my own consulting company by the name of Mushawar consulting that works with entrepreneurs, small business owners, Corporates and Individuals. We provide technology, Business strategy, HR solutions and Career & Life coaching as a part of our service portfolio. I also run a Digital Marketing and Content Management company, Delta Writers that helps Corporates, SMEs and Entrepreneurs.
If you have liked what you’ve read and need more assistance you could book an appointment with me now on the website.